It only gets harder..

I really can't stand how awful this last month (and a bit) is being. I really don't feel like getting in the morning, I have an awful drive into work with Denise, it seems she's either talking about how exciting next year will be or overly mushy/sad about me leaving, or she's yelling at me and being mean/angry. Most often it's the old one,two, two, one, two, two. Fun times.

I know she's stressed and I know the divorce is fucking with everyones head, she's moving into that shack near the middle of august. THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST and she wants everything packed. I go to Oregon next week, I need my shit to pack, I also need to get my PC set up again, which requires work, time and yes, MY STUFF! She gets emotional about me leaving, hugs me and says how much she'll miss me and she wants me to have my stuff packed now. I DON"T LEAVE UNTIL SEPT 2nd! The stuff I'm taking to Dal is my most essential I use these everyday, items.

Not to mention how damn small this shack is, but w/e I'm not really living there and I'll leave my stuff with Dad. I have a feeling she'd try to through it out. If she was mad about my room being messy, because it really is. I know that, it's just I work all day and when I get home I want to try and catch up on stuff or just sleep. I don't even eat meals anymore, my eyes are baggy and I am always tired.

I just feel so fucking worn out, and alone really. I don't see or hear from anyway, and I always feel like a bother if I try to contact them. Or I do see them, and I don't feel like I'm wanted or welcome or It just feels odd.

I'm not really sure what I'm writing about anymore, I just really want to get my PC up and running, then work out something with Denise I guess. start eating and such.

Because family is forever

Fuck, I am so pissed off at Denise.
I mean I work hard, offer to help her with her bills, pick up after her and zane, clean the house.
Today I put up a poster for her at my work, regarding her car she wants to sell.
But she can't bother to come in to pick up her daughter at 8pm, because she'd rather have her beer. Surprise surprise my mother chooses alchohol over me.
Can't think of anyone else who'd make another choice.
I mean, it's not even asking that much a ride home, heck i'd drive if she wanted.
So now I have to take 20 odd dollars out of my savings account to pay for my ride home.

Tomorrow your mold goes back on

Ok.. so not amanda week continues. The Imac has all the photos so I'll take them sometime and post a week summary. Today was the worst of the bunch with the dress.. I like a milion people commented and said i looked nice/hot/cute -_-.
Todd bordered on sexual harrasment i'm sure >.>

I was so happy to get home and put on pants. Denise bitching is barely bothering me, I should be doing homework.. but instead i'm here. Gah. Too bored to work or play. whats wrong with me?

Moulin Rouge is playing in the background.. god i really love this movie.
Ok no more posting until something of intrest comes up.