Sunday, December 16, 2007

The master plan

I have concluded that in order to implement my evil plan of owning an orange kitchen aid mixer, I will have to get married.

Married people get all kinds of kitchen loot, whats more you can register and increase profits exponentially. Now all I need to do is go around asking random strangers to marry me until one of them says yes.. or a better idea would be to ask people I already know. I should make a list of vegan prospects, start form the best and work my way down.

My this is my best idea yet.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

"You don't want to go down there"

I already made a post on LJ, you can find it in the above link. Since this is a little more private and personal (i.e. most people don't bother to read this).

I just keep googling and searching for information on it. Animal rights groups, people who know or care or anything... I just can't function right now. I don't know why. I have seen unimaginable cruelty that has been captured and brought into the light, I know the facts... but I'm so shaken. I just keep going back to how cold the steal was, how sharp and how real everything is.

And then comes all the hate, searching dal and animal rights or dals site and you come across so much of it, it makes me so sick and sad. "I've said it once, and I will say it again. Animal Rights Activists are crazy" accusal slander and everything, every which way. Hippy freaks, softies, and what have you. I've always been alienated but this stuff just gets to me, I don't know if I can find anyone to talk to about how I feel... it seems like even AR people or my online friends would scoff at the reaction i'm having. I knew all major universities, I knew dal was a major university, but i've lived her for months.... i've been to the labs.. there just wasn't anything there.. no room for the animals. It just couldn't be happening hear. But it.

And whats worst event he people who care about animals, don't seem to mind. Fuck, I don't know what i'm trying to say and I don't know how to articulate what I feel or what I feel. Its just shock. Sick, vile ill feelings mixed with confusion and loneliness. I can't just sit back, but the though of it paralyzes me. What can I do how can I help? Am I strong enough to volunteer there? To check things out? Can I handle that? would I even make the cut if I tried?

Can I protest? Would anyone care? Would i be more alienated and alone? does that even matter? Is a protest enough? Can I sit and write letters knowing how down the hall or downstairs its happening? I have a chemistry exam tomorrow that i'm probably not ready for but i can't even think or function or sleep. I need sleep.. but it's just so awful.

There is just so much hatred. Hatred for all the people who stand up for animals or who care, how do you face that?

I'm so overwhelmed with everything and I really feel more alone then ever. I don't know what any of this means.. but i'm going to stop writing.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Homecoming approaches

I am going home soon, in two weeks. First term is over, shitty school marks and stressing aside, when I go home Master is going to want to hang out. I'm worried, particularly these past weeks things are getting a little out of control for me. I'm falling, and failing and I need something to land on or grab hold of. no socializing, no sex, no dating, no human contact.

Let's just say there are some cravings, not all the naughty kind either. the closeness, or love, the familiar. I know once he finds out he'll want to "just hang out" and I don't think i'm strong enough for that. But at the same time, why refrain? For once, he isn't dating a friend, before I left he confessed to me and asked me out. I don't have anyone else, and should really stop fooling myself over this summer love shit. Because there's nothing there, first crush or not, nothing will come of it. So why not just do it? I'm a modern age woman, I don't even like the idea of monogamy so why the restraint? Why the fear, the feeling that I'll be worst off...