Sunday, January 25, 2009

My own advice, how I rarely follow

I am so sick and tired of always giving 100% of relationships. I want some take with my gives damn it.

I don't write songs

Chorus:
Fuck you, and all of the things you do.
Fuck you, and everything about you.
Fuck you, Cause you know that I wanted to./I've wanted to.

Everyday have you running through my veins.
Because you know its you that i'll keep on running to.
Cannot seem to get you out of my brain.

The way you move, there is just something about you.
But fuck all that shit you put me through.
Cause I don't have time for you.

Or these games you love to play,
just cut the shit and say what you really mean
Oh, yeah I wishyou could just man up and say what the fuck you feel.

And when we said, our goodbyes
You know I thought of kissing you,
I planned it out but didn't occcur
Its for the best because I need to be rid of you

W.I.P.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

For those who want to know (An incomplete history on Lalma)

I had this friend who's only social contact was me and my group of friends. She was bulimic, self mutalating, manipulative, told us a now believed fabricated story about another friend of ours sexual assaulting her (which we believed and she turned to me for help, so I had to sort all that out with him/keep him away from her etc. I nearly killed this friend of mine numerous times based on what she told us and convinced him to go along with.), she enjoyed drama creating it and having a fuss made about her, she enjoyed playing people off one another, she dated another friend of mine who when he told her she loved him she would say that was nice but she didn't care for him, she fucked with everyone going so far as to ask for my protractor while sitting in another friends lap in the student lounge and using it to gauge a line down her leg until I tackled her an pulled it away.

I received numerous suicide phone calls at all hours which I had to talk her out of, so far as to removing blades etc from her hands/body, she had a disagreement with my friend she was dating so to get her way she'd choke herself and when he tried to remove her hands from her throat when she turned purple she scratched his arm and dug her nails into her own neck. She told us her father abused her (which I actually believe), he is a local cop and we once had to go to her house to remove her from his custody. During this encounter he (a 6.4 foot large bulky man hulk) blocked the doorway, telling us to leave or we'd be charged for kidnapping. All the while she was standing behind him fighting for the door, crying "Amanda please help me!" ( a phrase she used a lot, because she knew the response it would get). She is a short, bulimic 15 year old at this time, he is holding her back with one hand while threatening us to leave. I refuse. We tell him we will leave when he lets her come with us, until he cools down. She's throwing herself at him and the door failing and sobbing for me to help her. He pushed her back into a wall, and opens the door a crack to come out and threat me. She slips out past him, grabs my shoulders and hides behind me, hands digging into my shoulders, I step forward to protect her as he comes out arms raised. He goes to walk around me to grab her, I side step him grabbing his out stretched arm away from her. Repeating he go inside, he gets angrier, looks as if he is ready to hit me and I ready to hit him back, my friend drew steps in and convinces him to allow us to talk to her alone. He hands him the car keys.

Eventually we get to take her with us, that night again she slashes her arms when I turned my back. Her parents take her back the next day. This goes on for months, until one day my Fiancee tells me he wants to see other people. Namely, he wants to see her. Apparently after he'd driven me home from a party when he went back she was there and wanted to talk to him about how her on again off again relationship with our mutual friend wasn't working and to discuss what was wrong with my relationship with him. This is the first time they've ever really talked, she mentions that she loves him. So he leaves me for her. Our entire friendship circle breaks apart, until a month later when she convinces him to throw a party to get the old gang back together, except without inviting me. All my old friends go to the party and become a group again, everyone now feels to awkward to talk to me.

She transfers to my ex's school. She shows up with a friend of mine to MY prom. My ex's prom is going on in the building next to this one, yet he is there alone and she is at my prom and dances with my date.

A year later I get an e-mail from her/that group of friends about how my ex-fiancee is hitting her. I try to ignore it. But she keeps asking for help, I call him and inform him to smarten the hell up and if he hurts her, I will beat him senseless. A few months later, she's sleeping with his drug dealer roommate. She eventually leaves him for the drug dealer. They have an on again off again thing. I run into him at a bar (never met before just heard about him), he informs me that he is supposed to hate me. Because the people he hangs out with want him too, that they tell him bad things about me and how awful I am. I walk away.

*This is the short version, I spared you the details.
I still get messages/calls from friends about her or about how they want to have a get together with her, my ex and me. Or about "why do you hate her?" etc. Although I do not hate her, I would just prefer she stay out of my life unless she needs my help with something. In which case, I simply want to help her fix whatever problem/issue it is and move onto our separate lives again.