Sunday, December 2, 2007

Homecoming approaches

I am going home soon, in two weeks. First term is over, shitty school marks and stressing aside, when I go home Master is going to want to hang out. I'm worried, particularly these past weeks things are getting a little out of control for me. I'm falling, and failing and I need something to land on or grab hold of. no socializing, no sex, no dating, no human contact.

Let's just say there are some cravings, not all the naughty kind either. the closeness, or love, the familiar. I know once he finds out he'll want to "just hang out" and I don't think i'm strong enough for that. But at the same time, why refrain? For once, he isn't dating a friend, before I left he confessed to me and asked me out. I don't have anyone else, and should really stop fooling myself over this summer love shit. Because there's nothing there, first crush or not, nothing will come of it. So why not just do it? I'm a modern age woman, I don't even like the idea of monogamy so why the restraint? Why the fear, the feeling that I'll be worst off...

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