Sunday, January 25, 2009
My own advice, how I rarely follow
I am so sick and tired of always giving 100% of relationships. I want some take with my gives damn it.
I don't write songs
Chorus:
Fuck you, and all of the things you do.
Fuck you, and everything about you.
Fuck you, Cause you know that I wanted to./I've wanted to.
Everyday have you running through my veins.
Because you know its you that i'll keep on running to.
Cannot seem to get you out of my brain.
The way you move, there is just something about you.
But fuck all that shit you put me through.
Cause I don't have time for you.
Or these games you love to play,
just cut the shit and say what you really mean
Oh, yeah I wishyou could just man up and say what the fuck you feel.
And when we said, our goodbyes
You know I thought of kissing you,
I planned it out but didn't occcur
Its for the best because I need to be rid of you
W.I.P.
Fuck you, and all of the things you do.
Fuck you, and everything about you.
Fuck you, Cause you know that I wanted to./I've wanted to.
Everyday have you running through my veins.
Because you know its you that i'll keep on running to.
Cannot seem to get you out of my brain.
The way you move, there is just something about you.
But fuck all that shit you put me through.
Cause I don't have time for you.
Or these games you love to play,
just cut the shit and say what you really mean
Oh, yeah I wishyou could just man up and say what the fuck you feel.
And when we said, our goodbyes
You know I thought of kissing you,
I planned it out but didn't occcur
Its for the best because I need to be rid of you
W.I.P.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
For those who want to know (An incomplete history on Lalma)
I had this friend who's only social contact was me and my group of friends. She was bulimic, self mutalating, manipulative, told us a now believed fabricated story about another friend of ours sexual assaulting her (which we believed and she turned to me for help, so I had to sort all that out with him/keep him away from her etc. I nearly killed this friend of mine numerous times based on what she told us and convinced him to go along with.), she enjoyed drama creating it and having a fuss made about her, she enjoyed playing people off one another, she dated another friend of mine who when he told her she loved him she would say that was nice but she didn't care for him, she fucked with everyone going so far as to ask for my protractor while sitting in another friends lap in the student lounge and using it to gauge a line down her leg until I tackled her an pulled it away.
I received numerous suicide phone calls at all hours which I had to talk her out of, so far as to removing blades etc from her hands/body, she had a disagreement with my friend she was dating so to get her way she'd choke herself and when he tried to remove her hands from her throat when she turned purple she scratched his arm and dug her nails into her own neck. She told us her father abused her (which I actually believe), he is a local cop and we once had to go to her house to remove her from his custody. During this encounter he (a 6.4 foot large bulky man hulk) blocked the doorway, telling us to leave or we'd be charged for kidnapping. All the while she was standing behind him fighting for the door, crying "Amanda please help me!" ( a phrase she used a lot, because she knew the response it would get). She is a short, bulimic 15 year old at this time, he is holding her back with one hand while threatening us to leave. I refuse. We tell him we will leave when he lets her come with us, until he cools down. She's throwing herself at him and the door failing and sobbing for me to help her. He pushed her back into a wall, and opens the door a crack to come out and threat me. She slips out past him, grabs my shoulders and hides behind me, hands digging into my shoulders, I step forward to protect her as he comes out arms raised. He goes to walk around me to grab her, I side step him grabbing his out stretched arm away from her. Repeating he go inside, he gets angrier, looks as if he is ready to hit me and I ready to hit him back, my friend drew steps in and convinces him to allow us to talk to her alone. He hands him the car keys.
Eventually we get to take her with us, that night again she slashes her arms when I turned my back. Her parents take her back the next day. This goes on for months, until one day my Fiancee tells me he wants to see other people. Namely, he wants to see her. Apparently after he'd driven me home from a party when he went back she was there and wanted to talk to him about how her on again off again relationship with our mutual friend wasn't working and to discuss what was wrong with my relationship with him. This is the first time they've ever really talked, she mentions that she loves him. So he leaves me for her. Our entire friendship circle breaks apart, until a month later when she convinces him to throw a party to get the old gang back together, except without inviting me. All my old friends go to the party and become a group again, everyone now feels to awkward to talk to me.
She transfers to my ex's school. She shows up with a friend of mine to MY prom. My ex's prom is going on in the building next to this one, yet he is there alone and she is at my prom and dances with my date.
A year later I get an e-mail from her/that group of friends about how my ex-fiancee is hitting her. I try to ignore it. But she keeps asking for help, I call him and inform him to smarten the hell up and if he hurts her, I will beat him senseless. A few months later, she's sleeping with his drug dealer roommate. She eventually leaves him for the drug dealer. They have an on again off again thing. I run into him at a bar (never met before just heard about him), he informs me that he is supposed to hate me. Because the people he hangs out with want him too, that they tell him bad things about me and how awful I am. I walk away.
*This is the short version, I spared you the details.
I still get messages/calls from friends about her or about how they want to have a get together with her, my ex and me. Or about "why do you hate her?" etc. Although I do not hate her, I would just prefer she stay out of my life unless she needs my help with something. In which case, I simply want to help her fix whatever problem/issue it is and move onto our separate lives again.
I received numerous suicide phone calls at all hours which I had to talk her out of, so far as to removing blades etc from her hands/body, she had a disagreement with my friend she was dating so to get her way she'd choke herself and when he tried to remove her hands from her throat when she turned purple she scratched his arm and dug her nails into her own neck. She told us her father abused her (which I actually believe), he is a local cop and we once had to go to her house to remove her from his custody. During this encounter he (a 6.4 foot large bulky man hulk) blocked the doorway, telling us to leave or we'd be charged for kidnapping. All the while she was standing behind him fighting for the door, crying "Amanda please help me!" ( a phrase she used a lot, because she knew the response it would get). She is a short, bulimic 15 year old at this time, he is holding her back with one hand while threatening us to leave. I refuse. We tell him we will leave when he lets her come with us, until he cools down. She's throwing herself at him and the door failing and sobbing for me to help her. He pushed her back into a wall, and opens the door a crack to come out and threat me. She slips out past him, grabs my shoulders and hides behind me, hands digging into my shoulders, I step forward to protect her as he comes out arms raised. He goes to walk around me to grab her, I side step him grabbing his out stretched arm away from her. Repeating he go inside, he gets angrier, looks as if he is ready to hit me and I ready to hit him back, my friend drew steps in and convinces him to allow us to talk to her alone. He hands him the car keys.
Eventually we get to take her with us, that night again she slashes her arms when I turned my back. Her parents take her back the next day. This goes on for months, until one day my Fiancee tells me he wants to see other people. Namely, he wants to see her. Apparently after he'd driven me home from a party when he went back she was there and wanted to talk to him about how her on again off again relationship with our mutual friend wasn't working and to discuss what was wrong with my relationship with him. This is the first time they've ever really talked, she mentions that she loves him. So he leaves me for her. Our entire friendship circle breaks apart, until a month later when she convinces him to throw a party to get the old gang back together, except without inviting me. All my old friends go to the party and become a group again, everyone now feels to awkward to talk to me.
She transfers to my ex's school. She shows up with a friend of mine to MY prom. My ex's prom is going on in the building next to this one, yet he is there alone and she is at my prom and dances with my date.
A year later I get an e-mail from her/that group of friends about how my ex-fiancee is hitting her. I try to ignore it. But she keeps asking for help, I call him and inform him to smarten the hell up and if he hurts her, I will beat him senseless. A few months later, she's sleeping with his drug dealer roommate. She eventually leaves him for the drug dealer. They have an on again off again thing. I run into him at a bar (never met before just heard about him), he informs me that he is supposed to hate me. Because the people he hangs out with want him too, that they tell him bad things about me and how awful I am. I walk away.
*This is the short version, I spared you the details.
I still get messages/calls from friends about her or about how they want to have a get together with her, my ex and me. Or about "why do you hate her?" etc. Although I do not hate her, I would just prefer she stay out of my life unless she needs my help with something. In which case, I simply want to help her fix whatever problem/issue it is and move onto our separate lives again.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Farm Sanctuary Internship
I arrive on the farm safe and sound the other day, orientation begins soon.
:excitement:
It is amazing here, most of my posts will be on LJ. I may compile all posts into a complete internship blog, who knows.
:excitement:
It is amazing here, most of my posts will be on LJ. I may compile all posts into a complete internship blog, who knows.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Four Paws Inc Dog Toy result in dog's tongue loss (Warning Photos Behind Cut)
This is a heartbreaking story about Chai, 10-year old lab mix, who sustained a severe injury from a product that the company Four Paws Inc, produces on Sunday, June 22, 2008. The toy I'm referencing is the pimple ball with bell. (Item #20227-001, UPC Code 0 4566320227 9).
While chewing on the toy, a vacuum was created and it effectively sucked his tongue into the hole in the ball, his likely occurred because there is not a second hole in the ball preventing the vacuum effect from happening.
The following is a link to an animal treatment clinic that has also documented the same injury to a Shepard mix.
www.logcabinanimalhospital.com/index.php/toy-ball-stuck-on-dogs-tongue/
Chai's Owner sent this information along with the reference to Petunia the french bulldog to Four Paws Inc, and it is their position that there just aren't enough instances to do anything about this. She told their Insurance company's case manager that was not a good enough excuse, It was inferred that Chai's value wasn't much and that his pain and suffering don't count as he is just a piece of property.
This should never happen to another animal again!
I'M CALLING FOR AN INTERNATIONAL BOYCOTT OF ALL FOUR PAWS PRODUCTS UNTIL THIS PRODUCT IS RECALLED. We need your help, please take the time to make your voice heard.
Please copy/paste the following into the body of your email in support of this boycott and send it to the address below to let Allen Simon the CEO of four paws know your stand;
Mr. Allen Simon,
I am in support of a boycott of your company until you recall the product pimple ball with bell,
as it is designed is such a way that irreparable damage can be caused by its use.
hbirk@fourpaws.com
Chai's full story
While chewing on the toy, a vacuum was created and it effectively sucked his tongue into the hole in the ball, his likely occurred because there is not a second hole in the ball preventing the vacuum effect from happening.
The following is a link to an animal treatment clinic that has also documented the same injury to a Shepard mix.
www.logcabinanimalhospital.com/index.php/toy-ball-stuck-on-dogs-tongue/
Chai's Owner sent this information along with the reference to Petunia the french bulldog to Four Paws Inc, and it is their position that there just aren't enough instances to do anything about this. She told their Insurance company's case manager that was not a good enough excuse, It was inferred that Chai's value wasn't much and that his pain and suffering don't count as he is just a piece of property.
This should never happen to another animal again!
I'M CALLING FOR AN INTERNATIONAL BOYCOTT OF ALL FOUR PAWS PRODUCTS UNTIL THIS PRODUCT IS RECALLED. We need your help, please take the time to make your voice heard.
Please copy/paste the following into the body of your email in support of this boycott and send it to the address below to let Allen Simon the CEO of four paws know your stand;
Mr. Allen Simon,
I am in support of a boycott of your company until you recall the product pimple ball with bell,
as it is designed is such a way that irreparable damage can be caused by its use.
hbirk@fourpaws.com
Chai's full story
Saturday, February 16, 2008
memoir of a bad day
Do you ever forget your insecurities? The issues from your past? Those dark spots in you mind and heart?
Ever start to think, it's over and i'm getting through. I can be happy here, as things are, I need no miracles. And then one bad day, tiny string of events, hopes, expectations.... and it's gone. And your left alone, feeling sad.
That's what today has been.
Ever start to think, it's over and i'm getting through. I can be happy here, as things are, I need no miracles. And then one bad day, tiny string of events, hopes, expectations.... and it's gone. And your left alone, feeling sad.
That's what today has been.
Friday, January 18, 2008
I am so beyond mad and tired of all this shit. I fucking hate people, every last one of them. I hate being walked on, I hate being taken for grant it I hate being disrespected. I hate when they think somethings funny when it's not, or when it's ok to treat you differently or bad be it because your different, new, not one of them, short, female, old or whatever other bull shit reason they want to try and fly.
I just want to knock those fucking teeth in. I don't like people touching me and certainly don't like fuckers hitting me. I don't feel like being guilted over not wanting to drop everything for you or do what you want, I don't want to bend myself around any longer to make anyone happy.
Fuck people, because none of them are any good.
I just want to knock those fucking teeth in. I don't like people touching me and certainly don't like fuckers hitting me. I don't feel like being guilted over not wanting to drop everything for you or do what you want, I don't want to bend myself around any longer to make anyone happy.
Fuck people, because none of them are any good.
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