I must be crazy it never ends

Well Satan is talking to me again.
Starting today, the two month silence treatment ends for no apprent reason, in fact he was pretty damn nice and 100% back to his old self. I know I predicted and expected such a turn of events, but it still throws me every time.. I just don't get it.

In fact he actualy came here today, and you know came to speak to me etc, said bye as he was leaving and everything. Course he came to ask me to lie to his mom, told him I couldn't lie and to ask zane so he did, but as he was leaving he said bye.

Little things like that really get to you when you haven't heard them in awhile.
There is a concert at sessions tomorow which should be good, and Prepboy and Satan are coming to studying soo I guess it is just like old times.
For better or worst, I haven't a clue.

They also showed up again, later on to ask jason to come with them, he told them to get lost (^-^).

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In other news I have SOOO much to do, sewing the prom dress, making curtains, billions of little projects, books to read, recipe testing (which I have slacked on to no end) and AP exams/school work. God the school work and school reading... let alone all the books I want to get/read.
Jesus.

I can't understand that dispite all the shit I have to do, I constantly find myself doing nothing.. or wasting time.. and still somehow worn out and tired, I don't get it!
I go to bed earlier than ever, sleep in a little bit later and take lots of breaks, heck I've even started actually eating a bit better (getting some recipie testing done after all :)), drinking lots of water, heck I just ate some plain fucking almonds for a snack. And had my first glass of pop in a while.

School work: I need to read psyche and that book for english
Do my media studies essay
Study for my exams
And do my french final project
Oh and teach a class of cul tech at some point too... hmm.

Another oddity: Every so often at school it hits me that this is the last or one of the last times this will ever happen. The yearbook room, psyche class, harrasment by Ross or Perkins... everything is ending. I was allways aware and couldn't wait, still can't.. but I keep getting that ever so slight sadness and longing.. all the art classes i never took, theater arts and Todds other classes, Peircy, all my old high school friends I rarely see, my highschool grad friends I'm still with and don't see.. and I just fell as if i'm full of longing for more time, for past time, for a diffrent course.

I will miss everyone so much my heart aches, and then I realize I'm missing them know, and most of them are gone allready.. how far apart we've grown, or how close we were never able to be. OR even how close they all are to each other.

It's kinda funny.. 12 years later and I'm still the same outside I was back then.

Free Thinking the new Dodo?

The Cult you’re in points out the cookie cutter lives that western society has adopted, early on the idea of capitalism and profit are embedded into our minds. All to quickly we abandon the fire fighter and police officer hero dreams once a well meaning elder informs us that these kinds of life saving antics don’t pay off well and we’d be better off behind a desk. Adopted then are the dreams of one day owning a business, making deals, lawyers and doctors. We all strive for that dream home, two child family, white picket fence, big screen TV and the ever elusive second porch.

These are the mass produced and marketed dreams we’re fed before our imaginations have been given a chance to grow. Before we start school we’re read books about theses happy families, watch movies about troublesome suburban kids who mess up their parent’s paper work before the charming family moment, our dreams are sold and marketed to us, on eye level next to the sugary cartoon cereal our mother’s won’t let us buy.

Turn on any TV set and you’ll see the same dream, strived for by every fictional character, make it to the top, earn the big pay checks and make the big purchases. Each night tune in to see the way sitcom family A’s life was better through their struggle for that big screen and celebration for the Christmas bonus. After all money makes the world go round, and if you’re not making money well you simply won’t be very happy, now will you? Our entire culture has been based of this desire for greed, earn more than the next guy, out perform John and Sally, get good grade and go to the good schools, make the big bucks or you’ll die alone. The same ideas and images, recycled and regurgitated with different names, in different white-bred suburbs season after season we’re treated to the same punch lines and scenarios force feeding us the all American dream.

While reading the article one particular image, burned into my memory on constant replay. Of the one moment where the Kodak Gods aligned their Polaroid stars in the single perfect illustration of conformity and consumption about which you’d always joked. It was sometime during grade 10, I’m sure I’ll never forget it, walking into class, late of course, and seeing a field of stripes. The entire class was wearing stripes, teacher included; I remember doing road call in my head, double and triple checking just to be sure. The entire class of twenty some students, had gotten up that morning, in their individual middle class houses sporting different hues of white, each individually selected their clothing from a closet which could fund some starving nation, and arrived at school all sporting stripes (save myself of course, who never seems to belong not even on the subconscious level, or perhaps I’m still not on the talk mail list). Not all stripes were the same mind you, some wore thing, others wide, some were white other’s coloured, a few sported single stripes, some doubled up where others tripled, a few were entirely striped in alternating colours. But that wasn’t the scariest part, sure an entire class wearing the same thing is eerie, however what really shook me was the fact that no one, before my untimely arrival, had noticed. Not one eyelash bashed, as they said their hello’s and exchanged the morning gossip ritual or whatever it was they did in those damned circles in the hallway. Every student took her/his seat, looked around the class and began their chatter. Out of the twenty some students and one teacher no one registered this obvious notion, not a single remark was made until I commented on this phenomenon did the word spread that they were all the same, and even then a slight chuckle and a “well would you look at that” and that was it. Everyone moved on with their lives, as if nothing peculiar had occurred, nothing strange nor wrong. No one cared; no one bothered to think or considered this fact or what it all meant. I remember sitting back in amazement at the lack of concern, when suddenly I came to a most disturbing realization … my underwear were striped, and I knew then that I too was doomed.R

Siting in my unmentionables Part 1

Gotta post at least one positive memoire in here, after all its those that I really want to remeber.
Also I think I'll write up another blog, use it as my happy memoires journal, save the trees and all.

Tonight was a great evening, took my lovely date ladies and we went to see You Ain't Nothing But a Werewolve, and gave adam and aaron standing O's (only the three of us stood and we embarassed kcams lil sis :P). It was a great show and everyone did an awesome job.
Also Adam W, Kcam and I went to sessions which also rocked (thanks to adam s for the ride and lauren for her guest appearence!). We talked about old times, the class, and how everyone used to be. Andrew crying when he lost at gym, Rob grant crying over just about anything.. ahh childhood.

One of those remeber the time when.. kinda convos, it was kinda cool to remeber how close knit everyone is. I mean.. just think that everyone in our highschool were kids we each new in elementary or they knew a friend of a friend, part of the perks and curse package that comes with rothesay I guess. Also kinda sad at the parts were people change, curupt for the worst and all that. None the less a good day all around, heck Prepboy and I talked all french class too.. so it seems everythings on the rise. Except Graeme.. but I guess I have to learn until the PMS wears off theres not much I can do.

The show was great I got kisses (and the marks to proove it) curtisy of T <3. Seen amy, alex, julie,adam, adam,aaron,kerrie,john, alison everyone! It was great! Alot better than we expected, great work allaround. Even tho Aaron and Adam tried their hardest to ditch and ignore us when serving time came, we eventually got out own private show :P. Even managed to throw them off with the sexual tension comments and all. Great time.

Lauren, Kcam, thanks for the awesome evening and great memories.. I really should be doing homework...