Is Autism or ADHD, Trauma or hypervigilance or just feeling unfair.

Is it an Autism or ADHD thing to feel angry at how little other people pay attention to? Or see? Like how little other people see those around them or how little brain power is spent holding others or space for others. anticipating others needs, desires, wants. the shift in habits, in tone, in body language, how someone shifts when they are hurting. I thought everyone saw these things and took internal notes remembered them and adjusted themsevles to make space for them but i'm starting to see that many don't or never did and i am jealous of how much energy this frees up and also fustrated and how little it means others are looking out for me. At least not in the same way i look out for them and its so isolating. I know it's not possible to fully know what goes on or what other people do or think. In the specific example I'm thinking of with A, I know he's mentioned that he does check on me since my accident. I don't see it or feel it, so I have no proof of it. Is this just an example of the millions of tiny things people do for us or think about us in ways we never see? Or is this some kind of saving grace script they've crafted to avoid the guilt of neglegence.

[URL="http://psnprofiles.com/BAD1788"][IMG]http://card.psnprofiles.com/1/BAD1788.png[/IMG][/URL]

confusion

A: well what do you want?
B.A.D.: I want to know what you want.
B.A.D.: Where I stand.
B.A.D.: What do you want?

A: i have no idea how to respond cause now i feel like iv been doing somthing wrong. to me you are very close. i dont know how elce to word it
B.A.D.: ... seriously tell me if i need to wait while you finish something.
B.A.D.: You haven't done anything wrong. I just want to know what you want from this.. or me..
B.A.D.: But I'm not going to pretend that 'close friends' kinda hurt.
A: yeh i know. i dont know what to say. we are not exactly dateing persay no idea how to word anyting
B.A.D.: not exactly dateing persay?
A: are we boyfriend and girlfriend?
B.A.D.: you are answering my questions with questions.
B.A.D.: :P
A well im not sure whats going on is all
B.A.D.: me either.
B.A.D.: Which is why I am asking you what YOU want to be going on.
A: not much honestly. if i can swing it maybe get around more. im easy to pleasethats why i asked what you wanted.
B.A.D.: So you don't want more.
A: i dont know
B.A.D.: oh
A: didn'y mean that in a bad way.
A: im just realy confused
B.A.D.: about?
A: your making me think
A i dont realy undrestand what im sapouse to do
B.A.D.: There isn't any, 'supposed to do'... I'm just trying to figure out what you want.
A not much as i said it dose not take alot to make me happy. im fine the way thins are, but if you want more just tell me. and in my experiance theres always a sapouse to do. i just never see it
B.A.D.: Well how are things now?
B.A.D.: Cause I'm not sure I know

The master plan

I have concluded that in order to implement my evil plan of owning an orange kitchen aid mixer, I will have to get married.

Married people get all kinds of kitchen loot, whats more you can register and increase profits exponentially. Now all I need to do is go around asking random strangers to marry me until one of them says yes.. or a better idea would be to ask people I already know. I should make a list of vegan prospects, start form the best and work my way down.

My this is my best idea yet.

Lazy post, cheap eats

sanmich, a photo by B_A_Dxxx88 on Flickr.

Sorry for the lack of posting life has been crazy hectic and with working 7 days a week I feel like I rarely make anything post worthy.

Here is a terrible cell phone photo of my breakfast/lunch today, but it was such a good quick cheap last minute grab I had to share.

Running late and having not gotten groceries in a while, I was pretty hard up for food and have been taking instant costco oatmeal to work for breakfast and eating out for lunch.

BUT! This morning I stopped into pete's frootique to look around and decided to splurg on some 9.99/lbs guacamole. Finding pita chips at 3-4$ a bag, I decided to try to find corn chips when I happened by the bread section and found focaccia for 3.15 for a bag of 8 rolls from a local organic bakery.

So basically, these babies consist of toasted Focaccia, Guacamole, sliced organic tomatoes, dab of regular mustard and salt/pepper. So good, I'm eating one now for breakfast and toasted/wrapped another in the lunch room to take with me during my break along with the 2 costco kwiwis I am still trying to finish.


Here's the final score

8 Focaccia Loaves from a local organic bakery 3.50$
3 organic tomatoes 1.60$ (reduced produce score)
1 tub of Pete's Guacamole 6.15$
My total came out to around 11.60$ with taxes etc.
Added some mustard packets from the food section and take away salt/pepper and we are golden.

I figure it's not bad because this will make 6 meals because I'm generous with the tomato slices/guac, if I skimp I could make a full 8 meals, which for last minute 11.50$/8 =1.44$ a meal is pretty damn good.

Conversely I would now finally have bread for my veggie burgers if I decide to skip a meal or bulk one of the meals up with the frozen patties.

Fem Fest 2010

Fem Fest 2010
Originally uploaded by B_A_Dxxx88

Femfest is a celebration of female artist this year to raise money for Barry House a local shelter. So come out for a great night of music, side show, and dancing!
Starts at 7pm
At the Gorsebrook Saint Mary's University

Performers include
-Miss Molotov
-Shannay Smith
-The Keats
-DJ Goldilocks
-And MORE!

It will be $2 at the door or a quality garment donation

There will be door prizes, and all proceeds raised will go to the Barry House, a local women's shelter

When dogs think they are parrots?

Seriously, Party's identity issues are expanding.
First he was a lap dog, ok sure fine.

Then a cat or cat-o-weiler?

now he's a parrot or perhaps Rot-a-rot?

Don't know if you can tell based on these pictures, but this is Party my 80lbs Rottweiler sitting on my shoulder.

After slowly sliding himself over the back of my chair, from the couch 3 feet away, to slowly climb onto the top of this chair to drape himself over my shoulders before finally kicking his barely touching the couch feet and pulling himself onto the back of the chair/my head.


photo details

Halifax's Vegan Association Recipe Zine! Call out for Vegan Recipes, Stories, Articles etc

The Halifax Vegan Association (and yours truly) are putting out a vegan recipe zine for free distribution to the public. I'm hoping to get both zine copies printed to be sent up and maybe host a scanned version of the original for an e-zine and so other groups will be able to re-print and distribute the zine to spread the vegan love.

As such I will be hosting a Vegan Recipe Zine Workshop on Sunday January 31th 2pm-6pm at the Dalhousie Women's Center in Halifax N.S., including Pizza and a community Potluck.

More importantly, for the extended vegan community (This means YOU! Internet) I am still looking for any recipe submissions, going vegan stories, articles, art work or simple zine pages you would like to have published in this zine.

Feel free to send me submission via e-mail (bad_blanch_amanda at hotmail).

Stay Vegan!

Kindness of Strangers/Gamers

Kindness of Strangers and Gamers.

Best thing that has ever happened, I think my housemates are scared for life over how much excitement and shrieking this caused.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Letter to Fox Network/Broadcasting: Please save Dollhouse

I wrote them a quick e-mail, telling them how annoyed I am that Dollhouse is being put on hold for a month and an appeal for a third season.

If you haven't already, guys please tune into the show, tivo it, watch it on hulu and show some mad love for this series. Maybe even write your own letters, phone calls or e-mails.

Thanks

I just have to say that I was extremely upset and disappointed to learn that you will be withholding episodes of Joss's Dollhouse for an entire month. Surely, you have seen what an amazing program this series is. You have a really amazing opportunity to be part of something great, yet you seem to be consistently taking this for granted. Let's face it, the majority of your programing is just plain awful crap. Followed by remakes and re-packaging of the same crap. There is only one night a week I would ever dream of tuning into your network and that would be Friday nights for Dollhouse.

This series has so much potential, and its story is only just developing. You've seen the fan base Joss's series generate, the long lasting and loyal viewer-ship and fans his shows earn. The quality writing is something that is solely lacking from broadcasting today, and I would sincerely ask that you think about that when considering to re-new this series. It is worth it. Please re-new an amazing series and be one of the few networks to actually provide some quality broadcasting. I would hate to have my only reason for tuning into your station taken away. We all know these shows get better with time, please allow Dollhouse to get there and you will have thousands of thankful fans like me.

please carefully consider dollhouse's fate for the upcoming season. I will be anxiously awaiting novemeber's end so I can tune back in for my favourite program to return. And I hope it will continue to return again after that. Please, Please, Please give this amazing show a chance for a third season and keep your viewers happy.

Thank you for reading this and please remember that there are all kinds of fans who are hoping that you save this show.

-Amanda Dickie


With Love, Amanda Dickie
"As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together."
- Isaac Bashevis Singer,Writer, Nobel laureate (1904-1991)

On Something Important that was Recently brough to my Attention

Although I identify as pansexual, I was recently made aware that this term might create problems with transitioning individuals as it tends to imply that they somehow do not fit onto the traditional gender bi-nary of male and female. This possibility of misundcerstand made me realize just hot problematic labels can be, specifically when I decided to attempt to re-classify myself in a way to avoid alienation and groupings myself with those in the queer community who exclude these individuals.

Needless to say it proved to be extremely problematic.
Pansexual is generally used to categorize a person who is interested in both males and females, from my understanding the term was changed to acknowledge that gender is fluid and that trans folks deserve equal play.

On second thought, that's not the best way to describe the label. Essentially, bisexuals may or may not be accepting of transitioning partners and cannot grasp the idea of being born biologically male and identifying as female etc. I know at least where I'm from the queer community can be a hostile place for identifying males/females, despite the person in question being female, people tended to get hung up on appearances and other labels from which they excluded trans people.

e.g. "I'm Bi, so i like both girls and boys. But those trans folks are "freaks". "

This kind of attitude was not something I wanted to be associated with, especially when trans friends of mine felt isolated by the community at large. I decided to adopt the term in support and just to distance myself from some of the queer based hatred/misnomers. Although bi-sexual in itself would include trans folks, many self identifying people in the community considered bi-sexuality to exclude trans people. I find that form of exclusion ridiculous, which is another reason I was drawn to the 'pan' label.

My friends and I also developed issues in our small area regarding personal pronouns (a whole other issue). Where despite the number of times we would correct people they still insisted upon applying their own interpretation of gender to individuals who have explicit-ally expressed their female identification (or their male identification). Certain individuals would even get angry when we applied proper (i.e. pronouns that matched the identification) to the point that a few individuals cease to communicate with us.

However, you make a really good point. I have never considered how applying the term PanSexual might make it seem as if I see trans folks as separate gender/sexuality category. Words and labels are tricky like that, I guess. Maybe I'll have to do some further defining to find the correct words to project my sentiment and push forward progress.

I personally have issues with the idea of gender and sexuality binaries as I'm not a firm believer of the all or nothing. I think most people have multiple sides, many of which could be male, female, butch, fem, gay, straight etc. Although biologically I would be classified as female, I have many classifiable "male" traits. So the idea of all or nothing doesn't seem to offer an apt description.

The option to choose a gender that exists outside the binary, from my limited perspective, would allow identifying males to choose male, identifying females to choose female, and those that would choose a third option the chance or even the opportunity to not disclose that information.

I guess from limited (and relatively privileged) stand point I hadn't considered how the term pansexual might add to the implication that trans individuals are different from "other" individuals. And how the term might add to feelings of exclusion and difference, the adverse effect of why I used the term in the first place. I guess defining my sexuality might not be able to be achieved in a single label, as labels present a plethora of problems. Identifying female and being born biologically female may not be mutually inclusive, however that doesn't mean that someone who is 'only' identifying is any more or less female or that they should ever fall into another classification. Both individuals are identifying females, they are equals and there is not one who is 'more' female than the other. Perhaps we need a term that redefines gender as a whole. Or a term that expresses direct inclusion of all groups without marginalizing anyone. Pansexual was a term I used to express an attraction to both genders with the attempts to explicitly state this
included all males and all females regardless of biology but perhaps by adopting a term to explicitly include trans people it aids in contributing to their exclusion in a third gender slot.

Classification is a bitch. Perhaps the best bet is to simply avoid labels at all, what a commotion that'll cause ;).

Doing right makes you feel so good.

As some of you may be aware COK or Compassion over killing has launched a new campaign aimed at dunkin' donuts to persuade them to offer vegan menu items free of the cruelties involved in the egg and dairy industries. Their new website is up and they are urging activists and consumers alike to make their voices heard and take a minute or two to call, snail mail or email the company and urge them to offer cruelty free options.

As every single donut on their current menu contains milk and eggs, COK is also urging them to offer menu items for those with allergies and health concerns.

Here's the short e-mail I sent:

To whom it may concern,

I recently learned that your company does not offer any products suitable for people who avoid consuming animal products such as dairy and eggs, which appear in all your donut menu items. As you are likely well aware the number of individuals who avoid the cruelties and health issues related to animal products are growing. With numerous consumers opting for healthier foods and cruelty free goods our retail market is shifting. And as a result we ask that businesses represent our needs and allow consumers to continue their support of companies such as yours. Without Dairy and egg free options consumers will be forced to purchase elsewhere.

I would ask that you increase the availability of animal-product-free items or create vegan meal items to reflect your consumers growing concerns and open yourselves up to a larger market. New animal free products would be marketed as healthier options and allow your company to tap into the growing concerns of the population for health foods and improved eating habits.

I would like to thank you for your time and again stress the need for vegan menu items to be added to your repertoire and allow consumers the chance to purchase cruelty free items from your establishment.

Thank you

To visit the campaign's web site click here: Dunkin' Cruelty

E-mail to the No-Kill shelter who was going to kill my dog.

Yet again, this is shelter who was going to kill my lovely boy party because of temperament testing. I decided to write them about Party in the hopes that they might change their mind about killing adoptable animals on the basis of temperament testing, which is set up for dogs to fail. According to the test Party was positive for rough play, food aggression and possession aggression. He has neither.

And what is almost worst is that dogs who actually have these issues can be rehabilitated and become perfectly loving dogs too.

Anyway here is the letter:

Hello,

This is Amanda Dickie, you redeemed a dog to me last November he was a young rotti named Party. I just wanted to let you know that he is the sweetest dog out there. And despite what your tests may have indicated, he does not have possession aggression or food aggression. He met my mother for the first time on the ride home and was eating chips out of her hand the whole way back.

When we arrived home we had him sitting and waiting for his food, once or twice he jumped the gun and started eating before he had permission and my 54 year old mother was able to pull him back off his food with no protest. After he got settled here everyone approaches him while eating and he is fine. My mother and I regularly take his food dish from him while he is eating and he is just fine with waiting for us to give it back.

He is learning to take treats gently from people and whenever he is to rough we always take them back and try again until he gets it right. He has never growled, snapped or bitten anyone since leaving your shelter. We also have four cats, who occasionally eat out of his bowl and he will sit back and wait for them to finish. He is patience and still waiting for the day they all accept him.

There is a constant flow of new and strange people in and out of our house and party is excited and happy to meet everyone of them. He no longer jumps on people when they come to the door, and is happy when strangers approach him even when he is tied on outside the home. He also loves small children and is extra gentle around them.


He regularly brings his toys over to people to play and even if he's gone off in a corner to play alone will give up any toy when asked. Everyone at one point or another has had to take toy pieces out of his mouth. Our older and smaller dog is able to take any toy he is playing with and she occasionally eats out of his dish and he waits until she leaves to resume eating. Party and Claire (our older dog) share a water dish and he is usually left waiting for her to finish before he drinks. However, at times when he is drinking she will push her way in and they will both drink together. They eat and get treats next to eat other, Party is always last but he waits patiently and never tries to take hers away.

The more comfortable cats have begun drinking out of the water bowl while Party is drinking or sniffing them. And even when the tense cats hiss or swat at him he remains calm. He doesn't even bark when people come into the house.

He hates having his nails cut and teeth brushed but he remains calm during the whole ordeal. Even when I accidentally quick him.

This dog is one of the kindest, gentlest and friendliest dogs I have ever met. We do things to him that would have my older lovely girl seeing red. Kids pull his tail, blow in his ears and pull on his cheeks nothing bothers him.

We just wanted to pass along this message in the hopes that you might reconsider using temperament testing as it is an unfair system that sets perfectly adoptable friendly loving dogs up for failure.

Thank you,
Sincerely Amanda
506-849-3950
With Love, Amanda Dickie
"As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together."
- Isaac Bashevis Singer,Writer, Nobel laureate (1904-1991)


I just get so fustrated every time I think that they were going to kill him because he was "dangerous", "aggressive", etc. When he is the sweetest boy I have ever met. GRRR

Obama abandons shelter dogs

As some of you may have heard, Obama has back tracked on his promise to adopt from a shelter and has sadly gone to a breeder. I took some time to write him a letter and would suggest if this or anything else upsets or disappoints you that maybe you take the time to write one too.

I just wanted to let you know how disappointed I am that you went out and bought a dog from a breeder. There are plenty of hypo-allergenic dogs literally dieing for good homes across your country and you've signed their death warrant. Sir, you may only be one man, and one family providing a single home for your new dog and closing a single door for the other dogs in need, but with your example being broadcast globally your actions have far greater effects.

As the president people across this earth look up to you, and will likely be following your example. You had a real shot to make a difference, but instead you have let us down. Thanks to your example finding loving homes for homeless dogs across this country just got a lot harder.

Sincerely disappointed,
Amanda Dickie

p.s. Although the specific breed you are inquiring about may not be as common as abandoned pitbulls or labs, you are the president and any dog fitting your specifications would have been reserved, held and adopted into your loving home within seconds. So please do not try to blame this on it being to difficult, because for if finding a homeless dog in America is to hard for our president, then we are in deep economic trouble sir.

My own advice, how I rarely follow

I am so sick and tired of always giving 100% of relationships. I want some take with my gives damn it.

I don't write songs

Chorus:
Fuck you, and all of the things you do.
Fuck you, and everything about you.
Fuck you, Cause you know that I wanted to./I've wanted to.

Everyday have you running through my veins.
Because you know its you that i'll keep on running to.
Cannot seem to get you out of my brain.

The way you move, there is just something about you.
But fuck all that shit you put me through.
Cause I don't have time for you.

Or these games you love to play,
just cut the shit and say what you really mean
Oh, yeah I wishyou could just man up and say what the fuck you feel.

And when we said, our goodbyes
You know I thought of kissing you,
I planned it out but didn't occcur
Its for the best because I need to be rid of you

W.I.P.

For those who want to know (An incomplete history on Lalma)

I had this friend who's only social contact was me and my group of friends. She was bulimic, self mutalating, manipulative, told us a now believed fabricated story about another friend of ours sexual assaulting her (which we believed and she turned to me for help, so I had to sort all that out with him/keep him away from her etc. I nearly killed this friend of mine numerous times based on what she told us and convinced him to go along with.), she enjoyed drama creating it and having a fuss made about her, she enjoyed playing people off one another, she dated another friend of mine who when he told her she loved him she would say that was nice but she didn't care for him, she fucked with everyone going so far as to ask for my protractor while sitting in another friends lap in the student lounge and using it to gauge a line down her leg until I tackled her an pulled it away.

I received numerous suicide phone calls at all hours which I had to talk her out of, so far as to removing blades etc from her hands/body, she had a disagreement with my friend she was dating so to get her way she'd choke herself and when he tried to remove her hands from her throat when she turned purple she scratched his arm and dug her nails into her own neck. She told us her father abused her (which I actually believe), he is a local cop and we once had to go to her house to remove her from his custody. During this encounter he (a 6.4 foot large bulky man hulk) blocked the doorway, telling us to leave or we'd be charged for kidnapping. All the while she was standing behind him fighting for the door, crying "Amanda please help me!" ( a phrase she used a lot, because she knew the response it would get). She is a short, bulimic 15 year old at this time, he is holding her back with one hand while threatening us to leave. I refuse. We tell him we will leave when he lets her come with us, until he cools down. She's throwing herself at him and the door failing and sobbing for me to help her. He pushed her back into a wall, and opens the door a crack to come out and threat me. She slips out past him, grabs my shoulders and hides behind me, hands digging into my shoulders, I step forward to protect her as he comes out arms raised. He goes to walk around me to grab her, I side step him grabbing his out stretched arm away from her. Repeating he go inside, he gets angrier, looks as if he is ready to hit me and I ready to hit him back, my friend drew steps in and convinces him to allow us to talk to her alone. He hands him the car keys.

Eventually we get to take her with us, that night again she slashes her arms when I turned my back. Her parents take her back the next day. This goes on for months, until one day my Fiancee tells me he wants to see other people. Namely, he wants to see her. Apparently after he'd driven me home from a party when he went back she was there and wanted to talk to him about how her on again off again relationship with our mutual friend wasn't working and to discuss what was wrong with my relationship with him. This is the first time they've ever really talked, she mentions that she loves him. So he leaves me for her. Our entire friendship circle breaks apart, until a month later when she convinces him to throw a party to get the old gang back together, except without inviting me. All my old friends go to the party and become a group again, everyone now feels to awkward to talk to me.

She transfers to my ex's school. She shows up with a friend of mine to MY prom. My ex's prom is going on in the building next to this one, yet he is there alone and she is at my prom and dances with my date.

A year later I get an e-mail from her/that group of friends about how my ex-fiancee is hitting her. I try to ignore it. But she keeps asking for help, I call him and inform him to smarten the hell up and if he hurts her, I will beat him senseless. A few months later, she's sleeping with his drug dealer roommate. She eventually leaves him for the drug dealer. They have an on again off again thing. I run into him at a bar (never met before just heard about him), he informs me that he is supposed to hate me. Because the people he hangs out with want him too, that they tell him bad things about me and how awful I am. I walk away.

*This is the short version, I spared you the details.
I still get messages/calls from friends about her or about how they want to have a get together with her, my ex and me. Or about "why do you hate her?" etc. Although I do not hate her, I would just prefer she stay out of my life unless she needs my help with something. In which case, I simply want to help her fix whatever problem/issue it is and move onto our separate lives again.

Farm Sanctuary Internship

I arrive on the farm safe and sound the other day, orientation begins soon.

:excitement:

It is amazing here, most of my posts will be on LJ. I may compile all posts into a complete internship blog, who knows.

Four Paws Inc Dog Toy result in dog's tongue loss (Warning Photos Behind Cut)

This is a heartbreaking story about Chai, 10-year old lab mix, who sustained a severe injury from a product that the company Four Paws Inc, produces on Sunday, June 22, 2008. The toy I'm referencing is the pimple ball with bell. (Item #20227-001, UPC Code 0 4566320227 9).


While chewing on the toy, a vacuum was created and it effectively sucked his tongue into the hole in the ball, his likely occurred because there is not a second hole in the ball preventing the vacuum effect from happening.

The following is a link to an animal treatment clinic that has also documented the same injury to a Shepard mix.

www.logcabinanimalhospital.com/index.php/toy-ball-stuck-on-dogs-tongue/

Chai's Owner sent this information along with the reference to Petunia the french bulldog to Four Paws Inc, and it is their position that there just aren't enough instances to do anything about this. She told their Insurance company's case manager that was not a good enough excuse, It was inferred that Chai's value wasn't much and that his pain and suffering don't count as he is just a piece of property.


This should never happen to another animal again!
I'M CALLING FOR AN INTERNATIONAL BOYCOTT OF ALL FOUR PAWS PRODUCTS UNTIL THIS PRODUCT IS RECALLED. We need your help, please take the time to make your voice heard.


Please copy/paste the following into the body of your email in support of this boycott and send it to the address below to let Allen Simon the CEO of four paws know your stand;



Mr. Allen Simon,

I am in support of a boycott of your company until you recall the product pimple ball with bell,
as it is designed is such a way that irreparable damage can be caused by its use.


hbirk@fourpaws.com

Chai's full story